It Ain't Easy Bein' Breezy
...it's More Fucking Embarrasing
I'm walking up the steps to the house and I hear a funny sound...it's a strange rippy sound coming from my ASS!
And no - I didn't fart.
I DID, however, spin myself in dizzy circles trying to see my own butt.
Then I bent over (like "touch your toes") trying to solve the mystery. Needless to say I didn't see anything out of the ordinary (totally NOT saying here that it's ORDINARY to bend over to do a "butt watch" on my very own self).
I know, the easy thing would have been to run like Hell to a mirror - but that would have made SENSE (and we can't have that).
Finally, I cave and grab my own butt. WEIRD...probably not the strangest thing I've done though (as I consider the yanking-the-turkey-IUD-incident). I find my jeans have started splitting right across my butt crack! It's like a run in panty hose with all the shreddy-little-strings still attached.
It's after 5 p.m. and I've been ALL OVER TOWN today - school, shopping, the bank... Who knows how long my butt crack's been hanging out?
Oh. My. God.
It's ALL in the Name
What's in a name? Only total AWESOMENESS in this case.
"We should call your SUV Mom," Kaelan tells me.
"What?" As this kind of came out of NOWHERE, I was taken by surprise (although by this point in my life nothing should).
"What? It's the only name I know," he explains. "Mom...or Aunty Mom."
I was just stunned into silence as we drove towards Reece's school.
"Aunty Mom," he decides after a moment.
I didn't even have an answer.
"Ooooh, Aunty Mom," he gushes, patting the dashboard.
Aunty Mom the SUV - low on gas, frequently broken, a little tempermental...
"Sounds good," I tell him, smiling.
TOTALLY makes sense to me.
Kaelan comes running into the livingroom - looks at me and yells:
"If you're a mother, chickens can fly!"
To laugh - or go look for flying chickens...decisions, decisions.
And the Latest Superhero is...
"Hey Mom, I need a new watch and a clock and a tattoo of a clock on my chest and then I will be Super Kaelan The Master Kaelan of Time!"
Totally awesome, I love it!