Friday, 2 May 2014

Apparently I CAN be bought...if you have enough goats

Show me the Money

 
Sometimes you're a smartass and it drops your price...kind of like driving yourself off the lot prematurely.
 
My sons Dad told my youngest, Reece, he bought me for some goats. (Oh, you read that correctly - GOATS).
 
"Really? How many?" Reece asks him all FASCINATED. We don't exactly get the fibbing concept. (If you can get kids like this - I highly recommend it.)
 
"Three," I answer, (because I suffer from a serious condition called smartassitis...it may be terminal).
 
"Three scrawny ones...missing a leg," his Dad answers at exactly the same time.
 
Okay, now I just wanted to poke him.
 
"Wow! Mom, I'd pay at least a hundred goats for you," my darling child ups my price and throws in a big hug.
 
What a great negotiator.

 

The Gift that Keeps on...Something

 
Your children make or give you presents and they are heart warming. These are the BEST presents that you treasure for the rest of your life.
 
"Hey Mamma, I brought you a present!" Kaelan tells me as he jumps around, very excited.
 
"You did?"
 
"It's a shoe!"
 
Oh my God...
 
"So it is!" I reply with a mile-wide smile on my face.
 
"I found it," he tells me proudly.
 
"So you did! Thank you!"
 
"What do you think?"
 
"It's memorable! I love it, let's get a picture."
 

 
 

It's not the Partridge Family

 
I've always admired when people can have those close friendships their entire lives. My oldest son has had the same best friend since he began school. His best friend in the entire universe is Julia. He's going to marry her and live in the basement...he's already told her Dad.
 
His other friend is Connor. They've been friends for a few years now. He tells me he loves Connor. As far as I know he has no plans to marry him.
 
"Hey Momma, guess what?" Kaelan asks me.
 
"What?"
 
After all, I'm always game and he looks pretty stoked.
 
"When me and Julia and Connor grow up we're going to call it Angry Families Go!"
 
"Doesn't sound like a happy place to live..."

 

Great Minds don't Always Smell Alike

 
Daisy is our Chihuahua. She's tiny, dainty, hates all things dog-like (walking, grass, playing, the floor...). We recently added a puppy to our house and she is NOT AMUSED. Spock likes to play - and that word is not in her vocabulary.
 
"Daisy has been growling for like years," Kaelan announces.
 
"THANK YOU! High five," I tell him while I'm sitting at the table.
 
"Why five?" he asks.
 
"Because you totally agreed with me. We're like THIS," I tell him as I touch his forehead and then mine and back again. "All copacetic."
 
"What do you mean, like this?"
 
"Your thoughts are my thoughts. Your mind is my mind," as I point to his forehead and mine.
 
Then he farted.
 
"Except your gas...that's all yours."
 

DEEP Thoughts

 
I walked in on this deep conversation between my children at the breakfast table.
 
"Reece, I'd like to talk to you about an awesome word today," Kaelan announces in his best televangelist-type voice.
 
Reece looks up, eyebrows raised, mouth full of cereal.
 
"And that word is...lamp."
 
Ol' Billy Graham couldn't have done it better...

 

It's April SHOWERS Mother Nature!

 
Even my children are having issues with the weather. It does feel as though this crappiness has lasted forever...however time does pass slooowly when you are frozen solid.
 
"Okay, this is a natural disaster!" Reece is bellowing one morning.
 
"What is?" I ask, alarmed and disoriented...where is my freaking coffee?
 
"The weather! It's June for Pete's sake."
 
"Ummm...no, it's not. It's April."
 
 
 

When you're only Half Grown Up

 
"I think one of my legs is growing," Reece informs me.
 
You'd think I'd be surprised by this statement, but NO. I hear this a lot. Not my legs are growing, not both...just one at a time.
 
"Are you going to walk on an angle?"
 
"Maybe I'll walk on one leg," he considers.
 
"Then we'll call you Stumpy," because we don't discriminate - we tease everybody.
 
"Or Hoppy," he suggests all helpful.
 
Alrighty then...